Vive La Difference!

The French say it well, “Vive la difference!” Men and women are different, even though they are both created in the image of God. Because of the difference, I often find in working with couples that the husband or wife struggles to communicate in a language that their spouse can understand. Hundreds of books have been written on the topic. Men are from planet X and women are from planet Y. Pink and blue. Love and Respect. There must be something to it, would you agree?

I think we may go down the wrong track if we say that God deals with women differently than He does with men. Both are sinners in need of a savior. Both need to know love and forgiveness. There is not a bible for women and a separate bible for men. Jesus came for both, but He created them male and female and we do well to remember that He is wise in all things. There are a lot of good things about “la difference” but there are also a lot of challenging things. How we communicate is a primary one.

This week we thought we might help you learn by example. I met with a couple in which the man was rightly talking about commitment, duty, loyalty, and debriefing after a military operation as a way to describe how he thought a marriage and family should work. He spoke of wielding the sword of the Word as William Wallace did in Braveheart. He spoke of being a son of the king. All good word pictures and the Bible supports them. As he spoke, I noted that his wife was not as enthusiastic about being deployed, debriefed and fulfilling duty as he was. Wielding scripture verses like a broad sword did not connect for her.

In his mind, those images conjured up the call to go back to the manual to remember the rules for holy living as found in Colossians and other places. “Love your neighbor, die to self and serve others for the King!” were themes that he could connect with as found in scripture. For the wife, they drew a blank. Not to say she does not believe in duty, service and the King. The language did not connect to her soul.

What could I do to help this couple? Sing!

I mentioned The Sound of Music. What? Yes, the Sound of Music with Julie Andrews. “When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I’m feeling sad.” Most of you ladies can sing the next line, “I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad!” There is no sword there; just fond memories of favorite things. That word picture is just as valid as William Wallace in a kilt. That language connected for the wife. So where might those favorite things be found for the woman in Christ? The bible. A woman’s truly favorite things, when hard things are happening or action needs to occur, can be remembered in the story of Christ and Him crucified. They are recalled in the verses that speak of loving your neighbor and sacrificing for your children. They are brought home in the texts that speak of a woman being a handmaid to her Lord and in the passages that remind a woman she is a daughter of the king. Those are the same types of verses as for the man, we just took a different route to get to them.

Now I know that some women love Braveheart and some guys Sound of Music. The important thing to note is God is revealed and He uses revelation to point us to Him. Our role, as we communicate, is to help people connect what they connect to in an intimate way, to God.

Worship Well